I've had a conflict with a teammate.

What's probably happening

Something happened with a teammate: sharp words, a message that landed badly, credit taken, or a decision made over your head. Now every meeting with them feels loaded. You replay the moment and write comebacks you never send.

What your mind is doing

It is building a case: collecting evidence that you were right and they were wrong. That feels productive, but every replay refreshes the anger. It also starts guessing their intentions, and it always guesses the worst version.

What your body is doing

Tight chest or stomach when they message you, heat in the face when you remember the moment. Your body treats the conflict as unfinished danger, because for it, a strained bond with someone close is exactly that.

Why this happens

We are wired to care intensely about fairness and standing in our group. A workplace team is a modern tribe, so a rift in it feels bigger than the incident itself. That wiring also means repair, done early and calmly, brings real relief.

What helps today

Do not send anything written in anger; drafts are free, sending is not. If you must interact before you talk, keep it simple and professional. And say the soft startup out loud once; words you have heard yourself say come out steadier.

What helps long-term

Aim to understand before you aim to win: one honest question, like 'how did you see it?', changes most conflicts. Working relationships survive disagreement well when repair is quick and blame is low. If this teammate clashes with you again and again, patterns like that are worth mapping calmly, maybe with your manager.

Therapist tip

Under most workplace anger sits something softer: feeling disrespected, unseen, or unfairly treated. Name the soft thing in the conversation and the hard tone usually drops on both sides.

Common mistakes

• Opening with an accusation, which decides how the whole talk goes.
• Recruiting colleagues to your side first, which turns a rift into camps.
• Pretending it is fine while going cold; unspoken conflict leaks anyway.

When to seek more support

If the conflict keeps you up at night, spills into dread of going to work, or involves someone with power over you and feels unsafe to raise, get backup before you handle it alone: talk to your therapist, or start with Milo in the app.